Cruise packages from $4,900

Midlife Cruisis sells three satirical luxury cruises for men aged 40–55. Prices below are the published prices. Booking is by email or phone, not a checkout form.

The Light Cruisis — $4,900

7 days

The entry package for an early-stage crisis. It includes complimentary whisky, a private cabin, a philosopher session, and the quiet dignity of eating alone by choice. It fits a first crisis, corporate burnout, or a recent LinkedIn rebrand.

The Full Divorce — $14,900

14 days · most popular

A personal saxophonist follows you. NDA champagne is included, plus dinner with strangers who have been through a thing. It is the package for post-divorce recovery and the stage where a Ferrari starts to look like a plan.

I Bought the Ferrari — $49,900

Arranged on request

For men who have tried everything and are still here. A personal DJ, a relationship concierge, helicopter extraction, and existential silence at full volume. The published price is $49,900.

Where to flee