Midlife Cruisis™ — luxury cruises for men in midlife crisis

Packages

The Light Cruisis is $4,900 for 7 days. The Full Divorce is $14,900 for 14 days. I Bought the Ferrari is $49,900, on request.

Where to flee

New Mexico, Heisenberg edition. California, Hank Moody-core. Tokyo, lost in your own life. Scotland, choose midlife. Route 66, wild swine. Iceland, the Walter protocol.

Frequently asked questions

What if my wife finds out?

We hand out NDA champagne on night one. Legally unenforceable. Atmospherically devastating. She'll know by Wednesday anyway — women always know by Wednesday.

Can I bring a mistress?

You can bring two. That's our Platinum tier, and it comes with its own dedicated psychologist. He mostly listens.

Is this legal?

Legally, yes. Morally, we stop taking the question after the second glass. Spiritually, we suggest you take that up with your rabbi, priest, or sommelier.

Are you a real company?

That's a philosophical question and frankly we're not emotionally equipped for it today. The booking form doesn't work. Neither does anything else. We're a vibe.

What's the dress code?

Shirt unbuttoned one button lower than is advisable. Watch larger than your taste allows. A linen thing. No socks, for reasons you'd rather not articulate.

What if I've already had my midlife crisis?

Then welcome to the much rarer second one, which isn't in any of the literature. We have a package for that. We don't list it publicly. You'll know it when it finds you.

Is it covered by insurance?

Not by yours. But potentially by your future ex-wife's, if the settlement is structured correctly. Ask us about it on board, after two drinks, never in writing.

Will I find myself?

Almost certainly not. But you'll find someone. He'll be at the bar, wearing the same shirt, drinking the same drink, thinking the same thoughts. Say hi. That's the whole thing.